A few weeks ago I realized the medication I take for my depression was no longer having its desired effect. It took a very long time to find the right combination and dosage of medication that brought my seratonin levels up to a manageable level (ie, one where I didn’t want to die because I […]Read more "What my mind is like"
I thought I’d try writing out some of my fears, mostly to see if I can categorize and extrapolate on them to understand them and myself a bit better. We’ll see. Anyway, here they are: -Rejection, typically of any kind, no matter if I care about being approved of by the person, group, or institution […]Read more "Things I fear"
“Will I ever get married?” is a question I’ve always asked myself but rarely ever felt the answer wasn’t somehow definite. I knew I would get married, buy a house, have kids, and all that jazz because it was going to happen. Of course it would, how could it not? It may sound silly to […]Read more "The Story and the Plan"
So I’ve talked a lot about events in my own life and how they’ve effected my struggles with mental illness. And one of the things I’ve learned is not to get caught up in the past and what could have been. But there is one thing I want to look back on here. It’s something I’ve only found […]Read more "What it means to matter"
I often feel like a prisoner in my own head. Like I’m trapped inside, and can see, hear, and feel things from the outside world, but I just can’t truly reach out. Like I’m missing a sixth sense that everyone else has that allows them to experience and really be apart of the world. It’s […]Read more "I may never be well"
I’m very upset right now. I’m still transitioning from my old medication to my new ones and it hasn’t been going smoothly, and I want to recognize that both internally as well as acknowledge it here. In fact, I’m probably at the lowest I’ve felt in many, many months. And while I’m at this stage, […]Read more "How to fail at your own life and keep playing anyway"
When I was a kid I had this fantasy that my life was secretly a great book or a movie everyone loves. I had this idea that I was really a fictional character living out what I thought was my own life but was really the plot of a world-renowned story. It was kind of […]Read more "It used to be easier"