A remembrance of things lost

Recently, I’ve been fascinated by the idea of memory, specifically how our ability to retain memories changes as we age. A lot of research has gone in to a specific phenomenon known as “childhood amnesia,” which is the idea that we lack the ability to retain memories from the first 3 to 4 years of […]

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What my mind is like

A few weeks ago I realized the medication I take for my depression was no longer having its desired effect. It took a very long time to find the right combination and dosage of medication that brought my seratonin levels up to a manageable level (ie, one where I didn’t want to die because I […]

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Things I fear

I thought I’d try writing out some of my fears, mostly to see if I can categorize and extrapolate on them to understand them and myself a bit better. We’ll see. Anyway, here they are: -Rejection, typically of any kind, no matter if I care about being approved of by the person, group, or institution […]

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The Story and the Plan

“Will I ever get married?” is a question I’ve always asked myself but rarely ever felt the answer wasn’t somehow definite. I knew I would get married, buy a house, have kids, and all that jazz because it was going to happen. Of course it would, how could it not? It may sound silly to […]

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Let me in

I think everyone has experience being an outsider, being outcast, being unwanted. If you never have… congratulations, I guess? I… don’t know how you managed that but… that’s good, then? But for everyone who has, it’s a terrible experience, made all the more worse when you are the sole exclusion. Whether it’s from a group […]

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What it means to matter

So I’ve talked a lot about events in my own life and how they’ve effected my struggles with mental illness. And one of the things I’ve learned is not to get caught up in the past and what could have been. But there is one thing I want to look back on here. It’s something I’ve only found […]

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I may never be well

I often feel like a prisoner in my own head. Like I’m trapped inside, and can see, hear, and feel things from the outside world, but I just can’t truly reach out. Like I’m missing a sixth sense that everyone else has that allows them to experience and really be apart of the world. It’s […]

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